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[03 Dec 2008|09:05pm] |
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Meh!
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[13 Nov 2008|01:32am] |
So, I'm back.
My feets are cold.
My ass hurts from sitting at this computer for long periods of time.
Let's not speak too soon!
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| Fading into you. |
[19 Sep 2008|11:48am] |
I think it's time, It's time to forget about this journal.
This holds nothing but the past, and makes me long for furity.
This journal consists of a lot of negativity. A lot of years of growth.
I don't want to go back and read what I have once expierenced.
I might start a new...
But, nothing is ever for sure.
So, in the end...
I guess I'm fading into you.
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[13 Jun 2008|09:35pm] |
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Well, you know when things are just to glorious to pin down?
It's funny how things change from good to bad to great, and I love it.
I enjoy my life, it's only going to get better.
Who wants to go on an epic adventure? I do! I do!
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| I'm horrible at this part. |
[09 May 2008|09:46pm] |
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It's an odd adventure down an dusty dirt road. It's a very lonely journey. I wish there was someone capable of joining me.
I need out of this life.
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| When I'm right, I'm really right. When your wrong your really wrong. |
[28 Feb 2008|06:29pm] |
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I know I'm a good person I know who I am and I know that I'm better than most people. I treat people with respect, I love the world and I spread the love to anyone and everyone who needs it. I feel that people disguse kindness for weakness they take advantage of the good in others.
I don't know why I put people on such high plane. It's dissapointing, finding out the real in people. Finding out that they are less of a human being. It kills me, it kills me how much people take advantage of all the good inside you. They take every good part of you and take advantage of it. They rip out your inner goodness for their benefit only to see you fail. I'm sick of people like this, I'm sick of watching people take away my good.
Walk all over me, see what fucking happens.
I have to keep telling myself that I'm better than that. I know people make mistakes but at the same time it gets old forgiving people. Does it give them the impression that I'm a push over? Sometimes I feel like people are always going to go back and forth treating me like shit. But what people don't know is that I'm stronger than they think and I'm going to rise above them. I'm too good for all the crap in the world, the crap that people are. I will always rise above them, I am better than them.
Your disgusting mean way of life is a weakness, grow the fuck up and learn that while you think doing mean things brings you to the top but in the end it doesn't do anything but break you down. Stay in that life style, while I'm successful and happy living a fabulous life. You'll be still polluting your life with all the crap, living a negative shitty life.
Tell them that your sorry that you're not capable of the good inside, sorry that you will always fall short. Learn to love, learn to be postive and the good will only come in time. Rise above the ones that bring you down, knock you down and crush your dreams. Get back up and spread the love.
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| Spirit in the sky? |
[31 Jan 2008|06:47pm] |
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I'm happy. I'm working on not over exposing myself to the night life. I never go out anymore, and I really don't mind it all that much. I want to stay focused and on the right track, and being fucked up every night isn't really in my cards right now. I drink very little, I smoke very little. I think I'm switching to wine or something, hard alcohol is trouble.
I've realized that I'm closer to my dream and finally I know I love my career and I seriously can't wait until I can finalize it. I feel stronger everday, my skills keep growing and improving. I learn something everyday, and I grow in my skills and as a person with each day.
I feel like I've been more inspired than I have been in a long time. I feel good about the quality of work that I'm producing and I can't wait to get more education and better my skills even more. It's nice to be focused on the good and stay ultra positive during my experiences. I'm so happy that I know I am going to be very happy and successful
one day.
Can't wait.
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| Finally Inspired. |
[15 Jan 2008|09:40pm] |
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I'm so bored right now. It sucks, I wish I had something to do, somewhere to go. Sitting at home depresses me sometimes. I guess I just have a lot to think about right now. School's stressing me out, Sacramento is retarded and I'm starting to hate it again (like really hate it again, it feels like highschool again) and I really just miss my friends right now.
I really need some city air right now, I miss being in San Francisco walking down the streets breathing in the beautiful city life and the beautiful scenary. I've really realized how much I really do miss it. I miss being drunk dancing the night away with my friends. Puking in the street and running along the ocean beach. I think it's time to go back and take a visit. I'm ready Sonya let's get to it.
I've realized that I am better that what I give myself, I deserve to have the world in my hands. I should be living it up, having the time of my life. I feel like an asshole. I am starting to feel really bad about pushing someone that I really cared about out of my life. Someone that was just a really good friend, I guess rash decisions really have consequences. If only I could go back and change the things I did and the things I said. I think it's too late, the scars are way too deep. But, I guess knowing that they probably are better off without you is something I do have to deal with. Makes me realized to stop jumping into things.
Life is such a fuckin' annoying learning expierence sometimes, you can't help but fuck shit up and seriously you try to do it right and you always end up wrong. I guess it just takes the optimistic to look at the bright side, you can't be afraid you seriously have to live it. What's the point in sitting curled up in the dark in the closet? Tomorrow could seriously be your last day. Let's live it up.
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[23 Dec 2007|01:30pm] |
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Two more days until Christmas. Which means the year is almost over. That makes me really really happy. I'm done 07' and I am ready for 08'.
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[14 Nov 2007|09:54pm] |
Lately, I've been feeling pretty relaxed. Everything is pretty much the same, it's sort of boring and wierds me out a little bit. I'm the type that loves change. I love to discover and try new things. Sometimes being on a steady plane really effects me, I usually find someway to fuck that shit up change things up a little bit. But, I do have a schedule that I'm pretty good about following.
I'm surprised that I'm doing so well, going to school and coming home and doing homeplay. That can get old really fast. I've been living, eating and breathing hair. Everything I do is pretty much hair related. It makes me happy so I guess what I'm doing is for my greater good. It's only going to benefit me in the end. I do understand that. Fighting the self distructive nature is pretty hard.
I know I'm going to need a break soon. I need sometime for fun. I haven't gone out in a while, I kinda miss it. I miss getting plastered and dancing the night away. I think I need to have a night of blissful fun. Just me and the music.
Life has slowed down a lot, things are way easier to deal with and most of my huge problems have gone away. That makes me really happy. It's easier when your life is near almost perfect. You can't but help to be happy. I can't help but to be happy.
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| Finally! |
[09 Nov 2007|05:08pm] |
I'm so happy. Life is almost where I want it to be. Depression isn't bothering me at all. I've come to terms with the struggle of life and am happy that as I get older I can become a stronger, happier and better person. I know what I want, I know who and what I love. I'm thankful that I the important things figured out.
I'm with my true love, I have amazing friends and my family is so amazingly supportive of me. I don't think I could have gotten any luckier.
School is stressful, but I love that I can see my abilities grow. All the things I once struggled with don't seem so hard anymore. My anxiety with hair related subjects is pretty much gone. I'm glad that I know what I love and what I'm good at.
I love everything in my life. I can't help but to feel on top of the world. It's strange how quickly you can go from rock bottom to tip top.
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| Judge me, I dare you. |
[06 May 2007|06:03pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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Life has been nuts. You don't want to know the details. Trust me.
My life is one big huge blur, I haven't felt this good in a long time. Physically and Mentally.
I finally got some closure. I'm pretty sure this is what I was waiting for.
I am glad, fuck you.
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| What's the point |
[16 Mar 2007|07:34pm] |
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Wow, life goes by so fast. In about three days I will be turning 21, I don't really know how I feel about it. Thinking about it gets me down a little bit, I feel like I fucked up a lot over the past fuckin' couple years. I've been depressed for the past couple weeks, I've been having stress related anxiety attacks and I've been smoking more than I have ever. I think I am in denial, today I lost all interest in anything. I feel like I am losing my core and zest for life. I drank alot last night, I drank far too much than I should have. It doesn't matter anymore anyways, fuck doctors their a bunch of bastards. Fuck this.
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[20 Feb 2007|10:44pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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Yay!
I am moving back to Sacramento on March 3rd! Can't fuckin' wait.
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[14 Feb 2007|12:09am] |
Happy Valentines Day!
May your day be filled with romance and passion.
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| I never update anymore. |
[07 Feb 2007|10:40pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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music |
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Bleeding Through- Sweet Vamprious. |
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Today was a really good day. I had work today, and had enough time to have lunch at home. I read my new Electronic gaming monthy, took a shower and listened to some music. My life has been really on a steady road. I mean I have a few bumps here and there but all in all I lead a pretty normal steady life. School has been stressing me out, that's my biggest struggle at the moment.
I am having some issues with one of my teachers and a few of the students at school. I am trying my best just to stay away from them as much as possible. I am starting to think I might have gained a social anxiety over the past couple of months. I think it's because I don't really have many friends up here. I spend most of the time by myself on my computer. I miss being comfortable around people, being crazy and just having tons of fun.
Another thing I have noticed is that I am moving further and further away from my closest friends. It's really dissapointing. But, I've noticed that I am probably the only person I can count on.
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[10 Jan 2007|12:39am] |
Unconditional love.
I am so in love.
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[11 Nov 2006|01:54am] |
I'm really cold right now. I need to go to the bathroom but I don't want to get out of my warm cozy bed. I love winter, and I love cuddling up in bed with my warm blankets.
I've been doing really good lately. Schools amazing. I am way better and more confident than ever in haircutting. I am actually getting really good at it. Before I attended this school I was horrible at it. Everything that I learned these past couple of weeks surpasses everything I have learned at couple of months at Dior anyone wants a haircut let me know. I actually know the difference between a square, round one length haircuts and Sqaure and Roundlayered and Graduated Round, square and triangluar cuts.
I love SFIEC
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